I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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