Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize