You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
