those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
