I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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