Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
