i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
