Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
