You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
