I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize