made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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