So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
