i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
