Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
