Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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