Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
