I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
