I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
