i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
