Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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