I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize