It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
