You just made me feel so damn special
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
