Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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