have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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