a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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