Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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