My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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