I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
