"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Randomize
