You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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