My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I don't think brook has ever known best
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
