It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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