Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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