Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
