What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
