That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
