"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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