the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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