I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
