it wasn't lemon gatorade
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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