i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
