this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Randomize
