He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
