I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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