Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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