Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
