make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
im holly from the hills drunk
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
