I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
