addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
