idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
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