Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
