paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
