Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
