just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
