Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize