About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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