woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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