I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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