Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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