There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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