She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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