okay pat passed out under dana's car
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
