My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
